Life is a trip...

...that might just trip you up so make sure you travel with a pillow to cushion the fall. So this is my first blog ever so humor me. I often find myself contemplating the happenings in my life, often for different reasons, but then again we all do that, don't we. My big ah-ha, the light bulb turning on, is that I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be by the time I hit 30. I'm not married (which I was pretty sure I would be at 24, I don't know why at 24, that's just what I thought), I don't have children, I don't have a dream career, I don't own my own house or my own vehicle. No, actually I find myself single, childless, working at a job that is as far away from dream as it could possibly be (it's actually one that after a semester at college I swore I'd never do), I gave up my apartment and moved 3000 miles to live in my parent's house because I'm broke (to put it bluntly), and I'm the proud owner of a monthly truck payment. Oh yeah, so not where I thought I'd be. There have been multiple, okay countless, boyfriends (my closest friends can account for that!) and almost as many moves, different jobs and 3 colleges. So where am I going with this you ask? Well, basically...

...life doesn't happen on our terms, life happens on life's terms...

...we have some say, we have free agency and make our own choices in any given situation, hoping we make the right choice based on the information we have, our past experience, and inspiration when it comes to us, but we don't really control life. We roll with the punches and sometimes it works in our favor and we get what we want, but sometimes it doesn't. And that's okay, although it may not seem like it at the moment, because sometimes life works out in that quirky little way it has a tendency to do. Sometimes it has a meaning, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes crap just happens and we learn to deal with it, we pull up our big girl pants and work our way through it, and miraculously find ourselves a little stronger and a little smarter on the other side. (Even though I quite often find myself screaming and yelling my way through the muck and ick, seriously).

So my life isn't what or where I thought it would be, but here are some bright spots in a dark world (I live in Fairbanks, Alaska and it happens to be very dark in December!!!)...

• I'm 30 and my own person, have lived on my own, and had the opportunity to experience things and see different places, make friends in different places, and learn things I never would have guessed I would.
• I've had the opportunity to come back to Alaska where I've made new friends and reconnected with old ones, and seen places and done things in my home state that I never did for the first 18 years I lived here...priceless.
• I've gone to college and while the career might not have followed, its still an accomplishment, even though I spent a whole lot of money and a lot of years when I could've done it right the first time. So what if I have to go back a third time.
• I'm 50 lbs lighter and a lot stronger and healthier than I've ever been, so I guess that goes to show that I can actually follow through on a goal. Who knew.
• I may not be the independent, corporate success so many strive for, but I've supported and taken care of myself for years, and while my living and work situation isn't ideal right now, things can only get better.
• I have a good man in my life, not the one I had my eye on or met where I thought I'd meet, but sometimes our prayers are answered in mysterious ways, and sometimes on a whole different timeline than the one we thought we had. But in hindsight, he's so much better for me than the one I thought I wanted.
• I've grown spiritually and while Fairbanks isn't ideal or a dream destination, I'm pretty sure it's where I was meant to be at the time I was meant to be here. The Lord works in wonderful, crazy ways, and no matter what life throws at me and no matter which decision I make, even if I screw up royally, he's always there to greet me with open arms when my stubborn hard-headedness wears off.

Life is not perfect. Life does not happen how or when we think or dictate it should. Life happens on its own time table and sometimes all we can do is buckle up, put on our helmets, and hold on until the ride is over. When we look back, we usually see everything from a whole different perspective. Sometimes we don't understand it. Maybe we never will. I'm thankful for the blessings I've been given, a family that is mine forever, good friends who are inspirational and keep me going (and sometimes a partner in crime, well, not real crime), a healthy body to experience and see the world with, a roof over head and all the comforts that go with it, living in America where I enjoy freedom and rights that so many have fought and fallen for, and the list goes on and on.

I'm sure life's path won't smooth out, there will continue to be bumps and potholes, I can only pray for the strength, inspiration, and companionship of friends and loved ones to get me through, and hope for a better tomorrow when today hasn't been the kindest, gentlest of days. In the end, life just wouldn't be very interesting if nothing ever happened, now would it.